Kissed, Spurred, & Valentined (Cowboys of Nirvana Book 4) Page 11

  Her mouth fell open, but she slammed it shut. How dare Maverick do this to her. Sleep with her then ask one of the hands to pick her up as if she was nothing but yesterday’s news. Her chest twisted, but she refused to cry anymore. Strained emotion settled deep in her gut, yet she had to stay strong. She stiffened her spine, lifted her chin and nodded. “Thank you, Dodge. I appreciate the ride.”

  Once they’d reached the treehouse, she started to thank Dodge again, but a better thought came to her. “I need you to take me somewhere else. Would you wait for me to change? It’ll only take me a few minutes.”

  “Sure. Where can I take you?”

  “To Maverick’s place.”

  His smile fizzled and his eyes widened. “Ma’am, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  She worked her bottom lip. “Why?”

  He rubbed his jaw. “It’s just that, well, guests aren’t allowed on staff row. It’s against the rules,” he said coyly.

  “But sleeping with a guest is fine?”

  He shifted his hat on his head. “That’s against the rules, too.”

  “Then considering the rules have already been broken, I’m asking you to take me to Maverick’s place. If you don’t want to, that’s fine, but I’ll have to walk.”

  His broad shoulders slumped. “I’ll take you. It’s too far in this cold.”

  “Then fine. Give me five minutes.”

  She changed from the wrinkled red dress and heels into something more reasonable—a T-shirt, jeans, and boots. Practically tearing a brush through her hair, she realized there was no use. She pulled it into a messy bun and headed out into the cold.

  CHAPTER NINE

  DODGE HAD WARNED Maverick that he had company waiting for him.

  So when he walked into his cabin, he knew that Jax would be there. He’d prepared himself for the storm, but nothing could have equipped him for what he saw when he walked in.

  Jax was sitting on his bed, pictures from his and Sara’s wedding were spread in front of her. She didn’t even bring her head up when he closed the door behind him.

  “I didn’t think you were the type to snoop,” he said as he took off his hat and laid it on his dresser. He wasn’t angry with her, only shocked.

  She brought her chin up then. Her eyes were dark and her lips were thin. She’d cut him in two if she had lasers. “I didn’t snoop. The evidence was sitting on your nightstand for anyone to see.”

  “Evidence? They’re pictures, Jax.”

  She chuckled, but it was cold and distant. “Evidence of the fact that you’re not over your late wife.” She stood, gathered the pictures, and stacked them neatly, placing them back on the nightstand.

  He didn’t want to have this conversation with her, or anyone. “I won’t get into this with you,” he said in a low voice.

  She crossed her arms over her chest. “I think I deserve answers.”

  “Answers for what?” He scrubbed his jaw.

  “Why you treated me like I was something special, and then walked out like I was nothing but trash. Was I that big of a fool?” Her bottom lip trembled. He hoped she didn’t cry or he’d lose his bravery.

  “You’re right. I’m not over Sara.”

  She exhaled and shook her head. “Obviously. And I understand, I really do. There’s nothing wrong with not being over her, but this is more, Maverick. You’re holding onto something that can no longer be. Why did you walk away from me?”

  He tore his gaze away, looking out the window. “I don’t know if I can even explain.”

  “Try. You owe me that.” Some of the bitterness had left her voice.

  He continued to stare outside, but saw nothing. “The morning of her accident, she and I had been arguing. I don’t remember what I said, or even why we were quarreling, but I had made her late for work. So when she left, she was in a hurry for a meeting and she never made it.” He then brought his gaze on her, not caring that he was a mess and that he wasn’t the strong man he’d worked hard to be. “It was my fault. If I hadn’t made her run behind, she would be alive today.”

  She took a step closer to him, but not close enough that they could touch. “It’s not your fault. I understand the guilt, but you have to allow yourself some forgiveness. Allow yourself happiness. From how you talk about her, the pictures,” she waved a hand toward the nightstand, “she loved you with all of her heart. She wouldn’t want you to be hiding away from others, denying yourself love.”

  “Love?” The word hurt his throat.

  “Yes, love, Maverick. I’m not saying that you and I are soul mates, but what I feel when I’m with you can’t easily be summed up as an everyday occurrence. You and I, we have a connection. There’s something here between us that deserves to be explored further.”

  “You deserve better, Jax. I can’t give you what you want.”

  “Then tell me, are you saying that you feel nothing for me? No emotion? A sliver of happiness when we’re together?” Her eyes narrowed. “Everything was just pretend?”

  He couldn’t do this. His eyes darted to the pictures on the table. He didn’t want to lie to Jax, but he was on a precipice, a place he never wanted to be. If he took one step in either direction, he’d have to fly, and that was a big risk. Would he end up hurt again? Losing someone he cared about. “I’ll never take a chance again.”

  Her exhale of breath slammed him straight into the gut. “So you plan to stay here at Nirvana for the rest of your lonely life?”

  Her words scraped his last bit of emotion. “Stop judging me, Jax, not when you’re the perfect definition for someone who’s running. At least I’m here, getting through each day.”

  She blinked and she dropped her hands to her sides. “What are you talking about?”

  “The truth. If we both want to be honest, then let’s do it. You are always traveling. No wonder Travis broke off the wedding. A man wants his wife at home, with him, not wandering off to unsafe places.”

  “It’s my job. Just as working here, flirting with the ladies and making them feel good is yours. If either of us shouldn’t be judging, it’s you!”

  “Face it, sweetheart! The truth is you can’t stop running because when you do, you’ll have to face that your career owns you, and not the other way around. Hell, I commend you for being the renowned, spectacular photographer that you are, but there comes a point when you need to realize you can’t have a relationship unless you nurture it just as you do your work. You say you love animals, but do you have one? You were getting married, but you don’t stay anywhere long enough to allow yourself to be a wife, maybe a mother.”

  “You don’t know me!” A second passed and then her eyes widened. “Wait, you read my file?”

  He shrugged. “They’re open for all staff to read. I didn’t break any rules.”

  “How can you believe that you can read my file and know anything about me? Did last night mean so little?” She laughed, cruel and distant. “I get it now. This is your job, right? You create a fantasy for the female guests, make them special, but this time you went a little too far.”

  He tore a hand through his hair. “I only looked at your file to find an address where to send the new camera to replace the one that was broken. I didn’t mean to read your story, but I just couldn’t stop myself.” He couldn’t stop himself because he was fascinated with her. He could easily find himself staying with her, pleading with her to never leave him. Yet, he couldn’t be in a vulnerable position.

  She would never understand. No matter how he explained it, she’d never comprehend the pain and guilt he’d suffered.

  “Don’t bother. I don’t need you to buy another camera.” She reached into her back pocket and pulled out scraps of paper, dropping them to the bed. They scattered across the cover and he realized they were the gum wrappers. He’d wanted to do something special for her. When he’d asked Moon if the messages in the wrappers was a good idea, she’d said, “It’s cheesy, but a very sweet gesture.” He was glad to see Jax had read the
m because he meant every word.

  “I think you had way too much fun pretending to be a gentleman. I think you got what you wanted from me and now you’re ready to move on to the next victim. Well, just so you know, I’m no one’s victim.” She marched past him and stomped to the door, narrowing her disarming gaze on him. “I feel sorry for you. I do. Because you have a second chance at happiness. You’re alive, but you choose to live with one foot in the grave. No one knows your pain, I can’t even begin to understand, but I do believe two people don’t just meet without reason.”

  After the door shut behind her, Maverick went to the bed and picked up the gum wrappers, looking at each one. He was sorry he couldn’t move as fast as Jax would like for him to.

  He sat on the edge of the mattress and picked up the pictures Jax had been looking at. His late wife’s face stared back at him, accusing him of being a very stupid man. He stretched his foot and he kicked something on the floor. He bent and retrieved the beaded necklace Jax wore. It must have fallen out of her pocket when she took out the wrappers. He held it in his hand, smoothing his fingers over the wooden cross.

  What the hell had he done?

  ****

  “A career at Chisel. I’m so proud of you.” Tina said from where she sat on the couch, nursing a cup of chicken noodle soup to ease her cold.

  “I couldn’t have done it without you. I figure it’s time to settle down.” Jax handed her assistant the box of tissues. “Maybe see what it’s like to enjoy a few adventures locally.”

  Tina shrugged. “What about Maverick?”

  “What about him?” Jax pretended interest in cleaning her camera.

  “Does this change have anything to do with him?”

  “Of course not!” Jax looked everywhere but at her friend.

  “He’s called a dozen times over the last two weeks. Don’t you want to hear what he has to say?” Tina blew her nose loudly.

  “So that he can tell me he’d love to have a relationship with me as long as it doesn’t include feelings because he has none left to give? No thank you. I’d rather be alone than compete with a memory in his past.” She could have a relationship like that with any other man, but not Maverick. She knew in her heart and soul she cared for him way too much.

  “Can you blame him? There’s something endearing about a man who loved so completely once that he feels as if he’s still committed.”

  Jax blinked. “Is that supposed to make me feel better?” She pressed her fingers to her temples. “Okay, I respect the fact that he has the ability to love so deeply, but if his heart isn’t big enough to allow someone else in, then I’m not the woman for him. In the little amount of time we shared together, I started having feelings…maybe even started falling. The worst kind of love is the one that isn’t returned.”

  Tina picked up the traveling magazine from the coffee table. “I wonder if he saw his picture.” She poked the front cover. “This is definitely an award winning shot.”

  “I don’t care.”

  “Oh, I think you do.”

  “Nope.” Jax swallowed the emotion bubbling up in her chest. After she’d left his cabin two months ago, she had Jennifer drive her to the airport and she’d gotten the hell out of dodge while the getting was good. She’d looked through the pictures she’d taken at the ranch, sent them to a magazine, wrote an article called Untouched Wyoming, and they published the story and the photos. The picture she’d taken of Maverick with his back to the camera staring at the mountains glared back at her from the glossy cover.

  Tina sniffed. “This picture alone tells a story of someone who does care indeed. If you don’t want him, give me the quickest directions to Nirvana because I could use some cowboy therapy.”

  “You’d certainly get over that cold in a matter of seconds. I wish you could go.” Jax tapped her knee. “I’ve got to get moving.”

  Tina blew out a long breath that sent her bangs flying from her forehead. “I’m glad you’re going to see your family.”

  “Me too.” She could use a strong hug from those she loved and who loved her.

  In her bedroom, she pulled off her robe, and slipped into a cami and jeans. A soft knock came at the door. “Come in, Tina. What’s wrong?”

  No answer.

  Turning, she made eye contact with the one person who’d brought her more terrific dreams in the past few weeks than she’d had in her entire life. “Maverick? What are you doing here? Where’s Tina?”

  “Don’t get angry with her for letting me in,” he said.

  Jax crossed her arms over her chest. “You shouldn’t be here.”

  “When you wouldn’t take my calls, I had to do something.” The familiar huskiness of his tone still made her spine tingle.

  “I didn’t take your calls because there’s nothing left for us to say.” She picked up her robe and tossed it over the arm of a chair.

  “Will you hear me out? I need you to know everything.”

  He looked so good. His hair was cut shorter, his beard was gone in exchange for a smooth face and there wasn’t one scar in sight. He looked younger and more handsome than ever, but she couldn’t be pulled in. “You need something, but I’m not it. Maybe you need to go home and face the demons. I can’t be a salve for the pain you’re feeling for another woman.”

  He reached into his pocket and pulled out her beaded necklace. “I found this.”

  “Where?” She thought it was gone forever.

  “On the floor of my cabin,” he said.

  “Is that the reason why you came all of this way?” Her heart wilted.

  “No. I could have mailed it.” He laid it on the bed. “I came because you should know that the morning after we made love, I left, not because I was discarding you, or regretted what we’d shared. I left because all of the walls I had put in place after Sara died had slowly crumbled when you walked into my life. For a man who’d been hurt badly, lived in pain and guilt, for the first time in years, I saw a ray of sunshine. That was a lot for me to accept. I’m sorry that you felt that I used you, but there have been many women over the years who tried to eradicate the demons, but hadn’t gotten anywhere. With you, though, it’s different. You’re different.” His voice grew thick. “I understand you might not want me, or the baggage, but I came here because I needed you to know that every word I had written on the gum wrappers was the truth.” He reached into his other pocket and pulled out a plastic bag containing the notes. He laid it down next to the necklace.

  He turned and left. She stood there for the longest time, staring at the open door. She looked down at the necklace and she saw the bag of messages. She swallowed. There was a new note he’d written, this time on a piece of paper. “You’ve opened the door into my heart. Thank you.”

  Tears blurred her vision. The Guru told her not to miss the opportunity. She darted out of the bedroom. “Where did he go?” she asked Tina.

  The other woman pointed to the door. “You better go fast.”

  And that, Jax did.

  She raced outside, down the sidewalk, but he was nowhere to be found. She searched down the street, along the passing cars, and disappointment filled her. Until…

  “What is it with you and your choice of shoes?”

  She smiled and looked at Maverick who was sitting in a car on the street. “I’m not wearing shoes.”

  “Exactly,” he said. He got out and closed the door, strolling to where she stood.

  “Maverick, I saw your message about the doorway into your heart. Do you mean that?” She clasped her trembling hands together.

  “I’m not a man who’d say anything that he doesn’t mean.”

  “Is there a chance that we can see where this’ll lead us?”

  He sauntered closer. “That’s what I’m hoping for. For the first time, I’m willing to allow someone else inside of my heart.”

  “I would never hurt you, not intentionally.” She swallowed. “We never know what life has in store for us, who’ll come and who’ll go, bu
t we should treasure each second.”

  “I can’t promise I’ll get rid of the baggage overnight, but I can say, with complete honesty, I’ll care for you. I’ll never live with regret. And just so you know, I’m falling for you. Knew it the second you showed up at Nirvana, like a dollop of glue to a broken heart.” He chuckled. “Somehow I’ve been lucky enough to be allowed a second chance at love and happiness.”

  Tears welled in her eyes and fell to her cheeks. “I’m falling for you too.”

  He took a step closer and picked her up into his arms. “I swear, you forgot your shoes just so I’d do this.”

  “I wish I’d thought of that myself.” She smoothed her fingertips along his smooth jaw. “Kiss me. I want to find out what it feels like without the beard.”

  “Your wish is my command.”

  The End

  From the author:

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  Rhonda Lee Carver

  At an early age, Rhonda fell in love with romance novels, knowing one day she’d write her own love story. Life took a short detour, but when the story ideas were no longer contained, she decided to dive in and write. Her first plot was on a dirty napkin she found buried in her car. Eventually, she ran out of napkins. With baby on one hip and laptop on the other, she made a dream into reality—one word at a time.

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